Monday, June 18, 2012

3rd Tri-mester

Summertime is upon us and I am officially in my third trimester. I have only a few weeks left at my job, and It makes me sad to think about. It is so beyond me how you can welcome children into your heart, and love them to pieces, when they are not yours. With Conor and Cara I was instantly smitten. It was my first nanny job that I was a part of the family. I swore to myself that I would never get as attached to a family as I did to theirs. I have to admit, no attachment to other children will come close, until I meet my daughter. I can say though, Audrey and Luke have a piece of my heart forever. I have learned new patience because of Luke, and I have found a new love of books because of Audrey. I only hope they miss me when I am gone. Anyways.... Tons of things changing in this household. My baby shower is this weekend. I cant believe its already here. It was going to be in the middle of July, but the universe didnt allow that to happen, and thats okay too. My mom took Kevin and I to get some things we needed for her arrival, and that was very sweet. THANKS MOM. I love you. We still have to get the major things like her car seat, and her bassinet, ergo, and mattress. There are a lot of times that I feel like I am not prepared, and other times I feel so prepared. Its all a balance. Her diapers are all here, and waiting to be prepped. I still have to wash and clean all the clothes she has, but im not worried about that. I have officially started nesting, and I felt the wrath on my sisters stove last night after our fathers day BBQ. I cant stand things on the floor, and smells drive me bonkers. I have major heartburn for no reason at all, and my hands and feel swell up while I sleep. I am not nervous for labor, I have started to get some braxton hicks here and there. Let me tell you, I was so stuck on doing it naturally. Lets face it, shit is gonna hurt. Im still undecided on my birth plan, and thats okay too. I have an appointment next week for my glucose test and I am not happy about it. I hear that appointment really bites the big one. I have been inspired to live more frugal lately, and with the baby coming I want to save as much and create as much at home as I can. I have been looking into nursing schools, and seeing what I am going to do about a job when Kimbah comes. Its so natural to me to think ill be nannying again come christmas time. I want to work part-time, go to school full-time, and be a round the clock mama to Kimbah. Oh yeah, and be a loving wife, chef, maid, SUPER MOM, to put it in easiest terms. I used to want to be a SAHM, but now I want to earn my RN and go to work with Kimbah is old enough for Preschool. I really have been evaluating my priorities lately. I want to be a great example for her, and give her all the things she needs. KEYWORD- NEEDS. I dont want her to be a spoiled, entitled , little brat, because I know I would be so sad if she ended up that way. Kevin and I want to have a ranch in the future....Okay. I want a ranch in the future. I want chickens, goats, vegetables, horses, maybe a cow in there somewhere. I want her to learn from a young age how to take care of things, and earn her keep. I wish that was something I was taught as a child. I want her to be happy with second hand stores, and cutting coupons. I want eating out to be something that only happens once in a blue moon. I want her to have a really ugly first car. I want her to go away to college, and come home for the holidays. I want Kevin and I to raise her right, and show her that you have to work hard your whole life to get the things you really want. The only way I can show her that, is by doing it myself and leading as an example. I really adore Kevin for all he has done for our family. He told me he would join the military and give me a home. Give me everything I could want. A family, a house, an education, a new car, a stable life. He has followed through with all of it. It makes me want to be something and make him proud. I know I make him proud already, but I want to see his face light up with joy when I graduate from nursing school, or even get my GED. Ive had so many excuses in the past of why I cant do something, or when it would be the right time. I have three months of being selfish left. Three months until I have to be a role model. I want to do this parenting thing right. Its the most important role I will ever have. I have to teach her to be strong and true. I have to teach her to be okay with whoever she turns out to be. I want her to be creative and ambitious. I want the world for her. I want the world for our family. Three fucking months, man. Our lives will change forever. 


  1. You just seem like an amazing girl and you get more and more beautiful during your pregnancy! I too am 22 and just had a baby boy in april so I kinda know what your going thru, it truly is amazing how something so small that you haven't even met yet can steal your heart and then when they get here you have this overwhelming feeling of love that you just can't control for them. Your little girl is going to be such and angel and spoiled too(: thank you for sharing your life. Have a great day(: 

  2. Thank you! I have been through a lot in my life and I just want to show her how to do things honestly and whole heartedly. Thanks for reading!


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