Thursday, September 13, 2012

A Birth, Anniversary, & Departure

 Monday marks two years of matrimony between my husband and I. Monday is the date our daughter is due to come into this world and make our family of two, a family of three. Monday marks the first time since joining the Navy, that Kevin will be going out to sea. I have so many mixed emotions about this coming Monday. I am excited to meet my baby, I am sad to say goodbye to my husband, I am proud to be his wife, and I do not want to spend such a significant day alone. I know that my job as a wife is to be the backbone of the family. To sort things out and make things run smoothly. This never happens when you are a military wife. I never refer to myself as that, because honestly, I am my husbands wife. I am not married to the Navy. My duties as a wife are that much more complex because I have to accept that most of my husband is owned by the military. The military gives us plenty of benefits that allow us to live a comfortable life together. I am many times thankful for that. I am not trying to seem ungrateful, because I know I could have it much worse than a 45 day underway. My husband will not be in a hostile area during this time and for that I am truly grateful. The number of times that I have been upset with the navy is few. When we decided to get pregnant we wanted to avoid everything we have ran into. We didnt want to move across the country with me being very pregnant. That didnt happen...(I was nine months when we settled here).  We didnt want there to be a chance that Kevin couldnt be there for the birth...(He leaves on her exact due date). Anything that we didnt want, we got anyways. I saw a different doctor for every single one of my baby appointments, and I really do not favor Tricare for that. I believe I have been strong through all this and to think we are only days away from the biggest and most influential day of our lives. I am so proud to be my husbands wife. I am more proud to mother his child. I have always known that I wanted to carry his baby. He is my best friend in the whole universe, and I am so over the moon to be given his love child. I try my best every day to get up and be a better wife than yesterday. Clean more clothes and wipe down the counters more often. I try to fold the blankets neater and make sure that clean towels are always folded in the linen closet in the bathroom. I try new foods because I know if bothers him that  I am not open minded when it comes to things I am not used to. I have been trying to stay on my side of the bed, and not get his side all warm and sweaty before he lays down, and I have been trying really hard to put the milk back in the fridge when I am done using it. I got a job tutoring a boy a few hours a week so that I can contribute to the household. I feel this is huge, because I dont want him to be burdened with all the bills. I want to have money in case we need it, or in case I feel like spending a few hard earned dollars on my husband just because. I want to be able to pay the dinner bill, put gas in our car, or just be able to say, ive got it. I wish I was better with money. I am by no means bad with it, but I could be better. I beat myself up for not cutting coupons. I feel like I waste food and I am constantly wanting to go out and eat. I know my husband cant say no to me, and I ask for things I dont need. He never asks me for anything. He doesnt ask me to work, or clean, or wash his clothes, or take out the trash. He goes to work everyday to make a living for us and I dont feel like I thank him enough for that. We dont cuddle as much as we should, and we dont kiss each other like we used to. We fall asleep every night watching TV on different couches, and stumble to bed whenever we feel like it. We make plans for the house and talk about the future. We remember what it was like to live with his mother and spend days in the pool drinking Fat Tire off the tap in his backyard the summer we started dating. Falling asleep in the afternoon to the sound of a baseball game on tv, with the summer breeze flowing though the windows. Life was so carefree back then. We had no responsibility. We were making plans to join the Navy and get married. We planned on having a baby and moving around the country. We knew we wanted to be together forever. We knew we were each others best friends and thats all that mattered. No matter what trials we have faced, and let me tell you, there have been many, we never stopped loving each other. No matter what. We have been through so much in these past two years of marriage, all things that made us stronger. On Monday we will be welcoming new changes to come, and many more lessons are going to be learned. I am so grateful and proud to call him my husband. I love him more than words can express, and even if I had all the words I still wouldnt have the time to properly thank him for all the opportunities he has given me and continues to give me everyday. I love you Kevin with all my beating heart. Thank you for loving me, and being my best friend. I will miss you and want to kiss you everyday until you are home in our arms.

Happy Anniversary, three days early.

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