Thursday, April 11, 2013

crib training & its struggles.

ok, so let me just start off by saying that i have a squirming baby in my bed, that wont keep her paws off my computer. she should be napping in her crib about two hours ago. but she isnt. i thought i was safe slipping away from her and going to make myself a cup of coffee, when i hear her wake up. 5 mins was all she wanted to give me. so i took her out, rocked her, nursed her, all while still staying near her crib. nope. wasnt happening. we made our way to the couch, watched a bit of kathy and hoda.... i drank my lukewarm coffee, then went back into her room. nursed her more, rocked her, sang to her, changed her diaper.... nothing. now we are in my bed. last ditch effort. she is just swiping away at my keyboard, just energetic as ever. but im just gonna ignore her to that she gets bored with me and falls asleep. couldnt hurt right?

this is a photo from a few days ago. peaceful right? oh how i wish she would nap this way all the time. this was a transition from a stroller nap. i felt like super mom when i got her out of the stroller, into the house, and into her bed without waking her up. its been crazy hot these past few days. that may have helped out too. 

we are now back in her room, she is in her crib. again. she is crying, and it hurts my heart heavily. im not more than an arms length away, but i feel like she is only crying because she is overly tired and wants me to get her out of her crib. must. not. play. into. these. games. 
brb. gonna cuddle her for a min. 

& this is now. she fell asleep finally. in my arms. 
no matter how much i try to make her be independent, i will always love taking care of her. i know it is the most important thing i can teach her, is independence, i somehow feel like that is something you teach yourself. i cant even put into words how much i love this baby. 
everyday is new. she is learning so much at a rapid speed. it wont be long before she is talking and walking and all that jazz. i just want to bottle up this baby scent and keep her tiny forever. 
im never going to regret picking her up out of her crib and bringing her to mine to cuddle. im never going to regret pushing her hair to one side of her face and gently kissing her forehead. it makes me so emotional to think that i made this baby and she has been sleeping next to me since the day she was born. correction. she was sleeping inside me the whole time she was baking. so even longer. we are tight like that. only mothers can level with me on the feeling you get when you stare at your child sleeping. i just want to pause time and stay with her in this moment forever.  her lips, eyelashes, nose, finger dimples.... i cant stand to think that one day she will be going to college, prom, walking down the isle. so yeah. i think that its okay for me to just swoop her up now and then when she is calling for me. 

as a mother its never easy to hear other people telling you what they think is best for you and your family. to be honest, i dont. i know whats right for us, and i know what i want to have set as a routine. littles are only little for so long. then you look back and realize that you just blinked. thats kinda whats happening now. so im just gonna tape my eyelids open. 
i cant even/

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. She is so beautiful laying there in your arms!!! My son in now a year old so I completely understand where your coming from not wanting them to grow up so fast. I teared up reading what you wrote because so many times I have watched skyler sleeping and just being amazed that someone like me that is nothing special in any shape form or fashion could have made someone so peaceful and completely perfect. Thank you for sharing your story, I love reading your posts!!


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